What's 'RELATIONSHIP'?

Still talking about a noun which is spelled R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P.
Ok, in this occassion, i'll talk about what's relationship in my mind.
Relationship.
See couples around making out, they say it's part of 'relationship' it self.
But i have my own opinion, based on how 'relationship' goes along me and 'someone'.
What people think these days, relationship always related with things such as 'always together', hold each other's hand, dating every weekend, making out, sharing sweet words and whatever.
But my own relationship isn't like that.
I don't really like sweet words. It always seems like everyone who says sweet words is exaggerating their feelings, or even perhaps, covering their true feelings (LYING). And holding each other hands? Even if i want to, i wont do that, i'v promised to my mom that i wont. Same reason works for making out and so on. Maybe people would think that i'm an old fashioned girl, but i have my words.
So, jus keep on thinking that way if you want~ i dont care~
in my opinion,
relationship is in higher position than 'bestfriend', but i myself dont even undrstand what so special abt this noun; relationship.
But, i just feel strange things like, wanna have fun together, worry if something bad happen to him, irk when he hasnt contacted me for a day. Yeah, something simple like that. ^^
and i enjoy that so far..
Though i sometimes think that relationship doesnt make any damn sense.
:P

Such COMPLICATED Things

I don't know when nor where it's started,
but I don't have any damn clue WHY it should be started
when people started ask, "Which one do you like? that guy over there?"
or since when friends started their curiosity, do I have someone to like?
and all the answers I get are, "Because you're a teenager." or "Because you're a normal girl."

do all normal girls should feel the curiosity, jealousy, or even pain towards a specific guy in their life?
well, everybody says so....
but it's all never decrease my confusions, or those "WHY"s questions
of feelings which are intermingled in my head.

I grow up every second,
and I start asking, Why a guy and a girl in such a very wonderful friendship,
should be interfered by another strange feeling called L-O-V-E?

I never want to feel this complicated feeling.
why it can't be last as just a good friendship?
why somehow appear a confusing noun called 'relationship'?

I hate those stuffs.
cause I feel dizzy every second I think about it.
why jealousy separates friends?
why...
those whys are always in unlimited stock.

I hate confusing things.
do all couples should always waste time together?
do the girls should not be too close to another guy?
do the guys should get pissed if another guy attract their girls?
so, WHY??

why if I seldom talk to 'him', my friends look at me in strange way?
why when sometimes I do things together with 'him', everybody seems so happy?
then they're said, "Hey, happy couple, why don't you do such things like that everyday??"
so why should I?
because of that f***in' 'relationship?

I'm getting sick of it.
I don't like to be tied by an invisible rope.

what is relationship?
you don't even know, whether he'll be your husband or not, right?
and if I say this, everybody will say, "You're like my mother, how old are you?"
or, "Future is not now, pal! just have fun!" with, mocking voice.
Future is not now but who else will face it? who else will prepare, if not our selves?
so what's the purpose of having a relationship?
it's just a status. status of what??

ARGH.
should I even think about these things???
I still have hundreds goals to reached.
and actually, I'm just wasting times, think about this endless confusions.

but if you have any answer or critique, tell me.

Dhea-chan no Yume

okeh! i'm back everybody!
dan sekarang, gua lagi di kelas, menganiaya keyboard leptop ara, dan berada di depan speaker Dhea yang mengalunkan lagu dengan lirik: "I'M SO STUPID!!! I'M SO STUPID!!!!!!!" *siiiiing*

ng, oke, sekarang lagunya ganti.
dan gua akan stop talk talk talking this blah blah blah tentang lagu apa yang masuk lewat telinga kanan dan keluar lewat telinga kiri gua (?)

tokebot judul postingan ini yang sok Jepang, "Dhe-chan no yume". pertama-tama gua translet dulu. itu artinya adalah "Mimpi Dhea".

Mimpi Dhea yang mau gua omongin adalah, mimpinya baru-baru ini, dimana entah gimana gua berpatisipasi di dalamnya.
jadi begini mimpi Dhea........... *Bekson: musik tegangnya sinetron*

Whatever you are, whatever you think

You get everybody so damn curious

With that cold stare,

Yeah, your precious ‘style’

I don’t know I’m on my fate

Or it’s all just God’s kindness

For my stupid wishes He always answers,

To keep you around

I was a fool,

And you were a bastard

PERFECT match

Yeah, nothing even ‘more’ perfect

I do hate you,

No, I think I supposed to hate you

But I couldn’t resist, I care too much

You’re cool,

You’re nice,

You care,

You make everybody comfortable,

Yes, it’s you

And I’m freak

I’m embarrassing

Or whatever I don’t even care

Because I’m not pretending

This is me

Why, why, why,

All the shitty questions

How hard I tried to shoo them away,

They’re back

I don’t know what’s on your mind,

When you stay away from your friends,

Who was playing together or whatever I don’t care

For a little while,

And doing something, alone, in silence

I keep my eyes on you

I don’t even know

Why I’m just too stupid

You’re cool,

You’re nice,

You care,

You make everybody comfortable,

Yeah because it’s just you

I like to hear you laugh,

Or hear you argue with your friends in the corner

Though those things bring me to memories

I wish I could forget

But I like to see your serious face as well

Or those cold eyes,

Well, I guess you’ve got me going crazy

I know you don’t even care

I am exist

I wish I could do the same

I don’t know I’m on my fate

Or it’s all just God’s kindness

For my stupid wishes He always answers,

To keep you around

Cause if so,

Time is nearly up

I thank God for keep you on my eyes

Whatever you think,
or Whatever you do.
how I can't help wondering in my mind

oh, pity me.

"........."

I think I have a serious problem in appreciating my self. Minder, may be you’ve ever felt the same way? It’s when you feel low, feel that everything you do is not even worth to be listened or seen, or think that everyone else does better than you.

It’s easy to me thinking that way with these environments, especially when I have a brilliant only elder sister.

She can do anything, perfect in both math and science, not bad in sports, and damn good in playing electone. My mom and dad really fond of her playing, and the songs my sis has ever learned are their favorite songs. Just perfect, right?

And me?

Geez, I only could play piano a little. Well, I stopped directly when I’ve passed level one. My family moved here from Bogor. After that, I never get any piano course anymore. The course just too far from my lovely house. Can I make it anymore obvious?

But that’s not the problem, actually.

I did, long ago still believe that I‘m lucky, have such a skill in play a music instrument. (At least I could play, couldn’t I?)

But I know. I just know. My parents aren’t too proud of me. But they are proud of my sis.

Everytime my sis play, any other sound must be off. They switch off TV, listen to my sis intensely while singing happily. And they tell anybody that my sis is good in playing electone, proudly. Continue with that “….her sister could play piano, but.. yeah, just a little. Not as good as her elder sis.”

Yeah, they’re just telling the truth, I shouldn’t be annoyed.

But sometimes I’m just pissed off, when my dad increase the volume of TV he watch when I play. Do I disturb him with my play? Yeah. I couldn’t play good. And I shouldn’t play either, then. Well, I stopped. Why do you bother keep doing something that you know, disturb somebody?

Then there, my mom keeps asking me play. Or questioned why I don’t join music club. I answered, being annoyed. “I couldn’t play. Why should I join?” and comes with “You could play, sweetie, I have put you on a course!” yeah, when? Let me see, 6 years ago? Ended on the beginning of level 2? Yeah, I must play good!

I was sick of it, so I tried hard so I could play some classic songs. It caught their attention, though. But just a while. Same songs everytimes I play are just boring, rite?

And today, I learned a new simple song from 6.30 to 9.30 am and play it in front of my parents, and they didn’t even notice I play.

Enough. It’s not their fault. It’s just me. I couldn’t play so they don’t pay attention.

I’ll just play for my self instead.

Ternyata Saya Memang Tak Hobi Nonton TV

hey ya All~
how's life?

menurut kalian, bagaimana rasanya ketika hasil ulangan mata pelajaran yang tak kalian kuasai, yang tak pernah memenuhi standar KKM selama 6 bulan pertama sekolah, dibagikan?
Males!
Nggak peduli!
Bodo amat laahhh!
takut, keringetan, terus pingsan!! *lebe*
PASRAH!

well, Gw mau cerita. hari ini, pas pelajaran pisika, gw dag-dig-dug-der-daia, deh, waktu kertas ulangan dibagiin. mana berhubung gw ngumpul pertama saking frustasi ngerjainnya waktu itu, kertas punya gw itu ada di paling bawah, gitu loccch!!! -___-

gw udah pasrah pada Yang Kuasa. pasti remed.
ternyata, gw dapet DELAPAN PULUH! yeiyeiyeiyeeeaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!
walopun banyak yang sembilan bahkan ada yang seratus, gw gaak peduli. yang penting gw lulus KKM!!! :D

loh... lohh.... loh... tunggu! nggak nyambung amat, sih, ni posting sama judulnya!
yah, itu cuma intermezzo, kawan...
yang mau gw ceritain sebenernya itu, pas pulang sekolahnya.
tiap Sabtu, gw pulang jam 12 *Alhamdulillah tu program lesson study gaje kgak mulai-mulai*

pulsek, gw mandi, dan kalang kabut begidik jijik ngeliat uget-uget *baca: cacing yang kecil* tiba-tiba muncul di lantai kamar mandi. gw dengan heboh nyiram-nyiram.
abis itu, gw makan, lah. berhubung bosen, gw nyalain tipi, lah yaaaa...

yang langsung terpampang di layar tipi adalah stasiun *piiiiip* (sensor).
gw nonton, lah, siapa tau sinetronnya bagus.
ternyata itu tuh sinetron tentang anak-anak SMP gitu. dan gw tiba-tiba sadar sambil keselek.

ternyata........!!!!!!!
tu sinetron menceritakan tentang seorang anak baru, bule, di sebuah SMP.
anak baru tersebut berkulit putih dan berwajah pucat, dengan lingkaran mata sedikit gelap.
dan bernama EDWARD.
gw langsung nyadar.
Ni sinetron mencoba mlesetin Twilight. Owloh.

mana....
tau, gak, sih?????
pas gw mulai nonton, itu tuh lagi imitasi adegan yang keren di Twilight, dimana edward ganteng menyelamatkan Bella dari mobil, lalu mobilnya penyok karena ditahan edward.
di twilight, sih, keren.
tapi di sinetron atau wateper yang gw tonton tadi itu, "EDWARD" gaib nya lagi nyelametin seorang cewek bernama AJENG yang hampir ditabrak BAJAJ.  lalu bajaj yang malang itu penyok.
owloh.

*pingsan*

sedih, deh, gw. nggak keren amat, sih. -__-

ckckck...
akhirnya gw pindah saluran. ke saluran Space toon. biasanya sih ada anime-anime getoh.
dan ternyata beneran ada.
tentang cewek pahlawan yang bisa berubah-berubah sejenis selermun, wedingpich, mermeidmelodi, deelel, deh...

oke. lumayan, lah.
tapi gaje banget, dah.
yang satu ini, model heroinenya itu BALET.
jadi dia kalo berubah jadi pake tutu, toe shoes, dan sesuatu di rambutnya yang biasa dipake sama penari odette. (angsa putih itu, loh. masa ga tau, sih?)

terus, cara ngelawan musuh dengan nari balet.
jadi, yang terlihat adalah, si putri odette, nari balet, terus tiba-tiba lawannya kesakitan ntah kena apanya.
-___-

krik... krikkk...

abis itu, gw matiin tipi.

Antara Gua dan Nyontek

Gua selalu diajarkan orang tua gua untuk TIDAK menyontek.

Sejak kecil sekali gua diwanti-wanti sama ibu gua, terutama. Bahkan ibu gua mewanti-wanti gua dengan kalimat yang seolah-olah menyontek itu dosanya sama beratnya dengan membunuh. Oke, gua waktu itu sedikit takut, tapi gua belum begitu mengerti nyontek itu apa jeleknya. Jadi? Gua jojong. Apalagi kelas 6 SD akhir. Gua nyontek gila-gilaan. Sampe-sampe gua nggak PD kalo nggak tanya temen.

Lama-lama, gua sadar kalo waktu itu gua PATHETIC banget. Tergantung keterlaluan sama orang.

Berbekal kesadaran itu, gua bertekad SMP mau tobat.

Yah, gua sih beneran tobat.

Tiap ulangan gua nggak nyontek. Apalagi ngasih contekan. Ogah amat sangat, dehh~

Tapi itu cuma pas Ulangan doang, sebenernya. Kalo latian, gua kan diskusi. Tapi itu bukan penyimpangan, dong, namanya juga latian.

Tapi kalo udah PR LKS, pelajaran IPS, PKN, atau yang satu spesies dengan itu, beh. Udah jojong aja gua nyontek makhluk rajin. Lagian itu nggak dinilai dan nggak pengaruh apa-apa juga. :p *cuci tangan*

Hoke. Pas SMA, gua tetep keukeuh megang prinsip nggak nyontek, walau nilai-nilai eksakta selain biologi gua terjun bebas tanpa parasut.

Masalahnya, akhir-akhir ini gua rada krisis semangat belajar di pelajaran IPS sama PKN.

Why? Buat IPS. D’ first, Geografi. Gurunya sih asik. Tapi kok lama-lama bingung, ya, ngurusin batu-batu dan tanah-tanah ini? Mana nggak didukung buku yang lengkap… =__=’ kedua, sosiologi. Asik, sih. Walaupun gurunya disiplin dan ulangan nggak pernah lulus dan pasti jatohnya sekelas dihukum yang aneh-aneh, tapi ajaibnya nilai rapot selalu bagus. Ekonomi. Nah, gua rada sensi, nih, sama gurunya. Masa’ pas ngerjain LKS buat latian, diskusi tentang pelajarannya aja ga boleh. Anah. Mana kalo ngajar suara kecil, tulisan kecil… -__-“

Yang terakhir, walaupun bukan termasuk rumpun IPS, tapi gua paling BT sama pelajaran PKN. Masalahnya, gurunya itu, lho!!!

Masa ngajar sambil ngelonin buku cetak, dibacain, sambil duduk, pula! :@ Allahuakbar! Mana ngeselin. Ulangan susah. Padahal tanpa buku ibu itu bisa, nggak, ya, kira-kira ngerjain sendiri???

#PLAK!

Oke. Kembali ke hal yang sebenernya pingin gua certain.

Akhir-akhir ini gua agak galau. -__- *sigh*

Akhir-akhir ini keimanan gua terhadap prinsip NO CHEATING menurun.

Waktu pelajaran ekonomi kemaren, gua nyontek di sub nomor terakhir karna gua nggak sempet ngitung. Mana temen gua nyontekin gua. Biasa aja, sih, Ekonomi ini…

Terus besok-besoknya, ulangan sosio.

Gua rada terinspirasi sama LKS yang dibuka temen gua, dan temen gua nyalin jawaban-jawaban gua.

Tiba-tiba gua jadi agak sensi lagi. Kembali tak suka dicontek. -___-

Tapi gua biarin aja, deh. Kan sosio nggak ditentuin amat dari nilai ulangan.

Lanjut. Ulangan biologi.

Seperti yang gua ceritakan di awal, kalo IPS, it’s OK. Tapi kalo eksakta, sebenernya gw nggak begitu suka contekan. :’(

Tapi gua nggak enak, kalo udah ditanyain gitu nggak jawab.

Ya udah, deh, gw jawab beberapa. Padahal saat itu gua juga lagi paleng sangat, ngerjain ulangan biologi dadakan Pak Herman yang pilihannya abstrak gitu.

Tenang aja, tapi. Walaupun gua nggak begitu seneng, tapi yang gua kasih tau itu beneran jawaban yang ada di kertas gua, kok… nggak dengan sengaja gua salah-salahin…

Tapi kalo tadi gua bilang gua masih bingung, nggak tau jawaban yang bener, gua nggak bohong, yaaa….  Kan gua emang ngasal, tadi juga. Kalo nanti gua dapet nilai yang agak bagus (amin!), berarti gua cuma beruntung, karna, demi Allah malam sebelum ulangan tadi itu gua cuma mikirtin Platyhelminthes, cacing imut yang gepeng-gepeng itu. ;p